Reddit is no stranger to relationship dilemmas, and a post from user u/PersimmonIll3313 recently sparked a heated debate on the AITAH (Am I the Asshole) subreddit. The post, titled “AITAH for getting tired of the fact that there is always something physically ‘wrong’ with my girlfriend?”, raises a tricky question about patience, empathy, and emotional burnout in relationships.

The OP (original poster) describes how their girlfriend seems to have an ongoing list of physical ailments—whether it’s headaches, stomach issues, fatigue, or other health concerns. At first, they were nothing but supportive, but over time, frustration has crept in. They find themselves exhausted, not just by the constant worry but also by the feeling that their relationship is being overshadowed by an endless cycle of complaints and illnesses.

But does this frustration make them the bad guy? Is it fair to feel emotionally drained when a partner constantly struggles with health problems? Or is this a sign of a deeper incompatibility? The post quickly divided opinions, with some siding with OP’s exhaustion and others calling them out for lacking compassion.

In this article, we’ll break down the core of this dilemma—how much patience should one have in a relationship when health issues become a recurring theme? When does support turn into emotional exhaustion? And ultimately, is OP truly in the wrong, or is there a valid reason for their frustration?

image source : freepik (not the actual photo)

All of the above is really getting tiring.

So, AITAH?

Anwser

image source : freepik (not the actual photo)

AITAH for Getting Tired of My Girlfriend’s Never-Ending Health Issues?”

When does empathy turn into exhaustion? That’s a question more and more people in relationships are struggling with today, especially as mental and physical health concerns become increasingly prominent in our social landscape.

The Story: A Relationship Weighed Down by Health Struggles

I (31M) have been dating my girlfriend (27F) for a while now. She has a long list of physical health issues—torn patella, ganglion operations, chronic foot and knee pain, headaches, a blocked nose, and more. Almost every day, she tells me about her discomfort.

At first, I was fully sympathetic. I wanted to be there for her, to help in any way I could. But over time, I started noticing a pattern: she refuses to go to the doctor, doesn’t eat well, barely drinks water, and doesn’t take proactive steps to improve her condition.

Then last night, after yet another rough day, she lashed out at me, saying I “should have noticed” her pain. She blamed me for not reacting the way she wanted—despite the fact that this is a daily occurrence. She refused to apologize, and now I’m left wondering:

Am I the asshole for feeling exhausted by this?

Why This Story Resonates Today

This dilemma isn’t unique. In fact, it reflects broader relationship challenges tied to caregiving, emotional labor, and health struggles in modern society.

🔹 The Emotional Toll of Chronic Complaints
Research shows that caregiving—whether official or unofficial—can lead to compassion fatigue. A study by the American Psychological Association found that caregivers often experience burnout, emotional exhaustion, and even resentment when they feel their support isn’t reciprocated.

🔹 The Rising Awareness of Invisible Illnesses
Many chronic health issues, especially those that aren’t easily diagnosable, are becoming more recognized. According to the CDC, six in ten adults in the U.S. have a chronic disease, and many struggle to receive proper care. However, studies also show that patients who don’t take active steps toward treatment tend to experience worse long-term outcomes—which can lead to frustration for their partners.

🔹 Emotional Labor & Gender Roles in Relationships
Experts argue that women are often conditioned to expect emotional caretaking from their partners, while men are less likely to express their own struggles. A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family highlights that men in heterosexual relationships often feel pressure to provide support but receive little in return—leading to emotional imbalance.

The Bigger Picture: When Support Becomes a One-Way Street

So, am I wrong for feeling frustrated? Or am I just experiencing a common relationship issue that few talk about?

Experts say that relationships should be a two-way street—mutual care, mutual effort. If one partner constantly struggles but refuses to take action, it can feel like an emotional black hole for the other. Dr. John Gottman, a relationship psychologist, notes that long-term dissatisfaction often arises when one partner consistently neglects their well-being while expecting full emotional support.

What’s the Solution?

So what can someone in my position do?

✅ Set Boundaries: It’s okay to care, but not at the cost of your own emotional well-being. Experts suggest discussing limits—offering support while encouraging self-responsibility.

✅ Encourage Professional Help: If someone is in constant pain but refuses medical care, it’s worth having an honest conversation about why. Is it fear? Avoidance? If the issue isn’t being addressed, frustration is inevitable.

✅ Recognize When It’s Too Much: Relationships thrive on reciprocity. If the balance feels permanently off, it might be time to assess whether the relationship is sustainable.

Final Verdict: AITAH?

In today’s world, where both mental and physical health are rightfully taking center stage, the expectation for unwavering emotional labor is higher than ever. But there’s a line between being supportive and being drained.

So, am I the asshole for feeling exhausted? Maybe not. Like many others, I’m simply trying to navigate the blurred lines between empathy and self-preservation.

But what do you think? Is it fair to feel this way, or should partners always be expected to bear the weight of each other’s struggles?