20 Infuriating Cases of Weaponized Incompetence That Women Have Faced
As more women become aware of the manipulation tactic known as weaponized incompetence, the internet is overflowing with frustrating examples. This behavior feigning ignorance or helplessness to avoid responsibility is something you’d expect from children, yet many women report encountering it in their relationships, particularly with husbands. Acting incapable as a means of dodging tasks is one of the most exasperating tactics women have endured, and they are no longer staying silent about it.
To put an end to this behavior, women must stand together to make it clear that the bare minimum is neither acceptable nor an effective power play. Keep reading for some maddening examples of weaponized incompetence so you can recognize the signs and shut down this toxicity before it takes root.
#1
Image source: Puzzleheaded_Age6550, FilterGrade/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
That IT story is beyond frustrating closing the ticket just because he “couldn’t find your office” instead of making an actual effort? That sounds more like laziness than genuine incompetence. And in a federal agency no less, where efficiency is supposed to matter.
As for your first husband, it makes sense that you’d rather not dwell on those experiences. Some things are better left in the past. But it’s good to know that more people are recognizing these behaviors and calling them out instead of just putting up with them.
#2
Image source: [deleted], Faruk Tokluoğlu/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
That sounds exhausting like you were taking on the role of both a partner and a caretaker. It’s one thing to help each other out, but when one person completely checks out of basic responsibilities, it stops being a partnership and turns into an unfair burden. Did she just not care, or was it more of a “you’re better at it, so you should do it” kind of thing?
#3
Image source: ARasDeFiga, Nik/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
That’s next-level ridiculous. Two years and he still couldn’t figure out where the laundry hamper was? That’s not forgetfulness that’s just not wanting to bother. And the fact that he said it with a straight face like it was a valid excuse? Infuriating. Did he actually start putting them in the hamper after you called him out, or did he just keep hoping you’d give up and do it for him?
#4
Image source: pbd1996, ian dooley/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Your brother is incredibly intelligent and accomplished he attended mechanic school, built his own business, sells solar products, grows his own plants, enjoys solo hikes in the mountains, obtained a gun license, and made savvy investments in Tesla years ago. Despite his impressive skills and independence in many areas, your parents treat him as though he’s incapable of handling basic tasks. Your mom schedules his doctor’s appointments, accompanies him to them, and picks up his medications and toiletries from CVS. Your dad handles his laundry, dishes, trash, and even pays all his bills. When your brother has car trouble, your dad arranges the repairs, drops off the car, and even takes an Uber back home. It’s a strange contrast: your brother is clearly highly capable, yet your parents infantilize him, managing aspects of his life as if he were a dependent child.
#5
Image source: naepalm6, Jeffrey Wegrzyn/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
I went to school with a guy who proudly admitted to pretending he didn’t know how to tie his shoes so his girlfriend would always have to do it for him. I was so disgusted by his manipulative behavior that I never spoke to him again. Honestly, someone who’d do something like that probably has some seriously questionable character maybe even worse.
#6
Image source: becabaro, Alexander Grey/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
It sounds like your dad has become overly dependent on your mom for even the simplest tasks, like making toast. It’s frustrating to see someone act so helpless, especially when they use guilt to manipulate, like refusing to eat when your mom isn’t there. It’s not just about the food—it’s about the lack of effort or willingness to be self-sufficient. Definitely a situation that would make anyone shake their head!
#7
Image source: leafcomforter, Tahir osman/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
It’s funny how someone can have such incredible skills—like flying a spy jet around Russia or captaining a commercial airline yet struggle with something as seemingly simple as folding laundry. Your husband can clearly handle high-pressure, complex tasks, but when it comes to folding clothes and putting them away, it’s like the system just shuts down. Towels end up in a wad on the dryer, shirts gather lint on the rug, and no amount of demonstration seems to help. It’s one of those quirks that’s equal parts baffling and endearing. At this point, it’s probably easier to just sigh, laugh, and accept that folding laundry might not be his superpower even if he’s capable of so much else.
#8
Image source: Dry-Tourist-6836, Monika Grabkowska/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
It’s both amusing and a little concerning how your dad seems completely lost when left alone for more than a day. Your mom has to prep meals in advance just to make sure he doesn’t go hungry like he’s incapable of fending for himself even for a short time. It’s one of those situations where you have to wonder how someone can function so well in other areas of life but struggle with something as basic as feeding themselves. It’s equal parts funny and baffling!
#9
Image source: LilMamiDaisy420, Jonas Kakaroto/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
It sounds like your husband might be using the classic “strategic incompetence” tactic purposely messing up tasks so you’ll stop asking him to do them. It’s frustrating when someone who’s clearly capable acts like they can’t handle simple things. Calling it out with comments like, “It’s concerning you can’t do this… as an adult,” is a great way to highlight how ridiculous the behavior is. Hopefully, it’ll make him rethink his approach and step up instead of pretending to be helpless!
#10
Image source: Ok_Ad_5658, Getty Images/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
That story is wild imagine being so focused on getting coffee that you stop at a drive-through while your wife is literally in labor in the car! It’s one of those moments where you have to wonder what was going through his head. Priorities, right? I’m sure that’s a story they’ll be telling (and laughing about) for years, but I can only imagine how his wife felt in that moment. Coffee is important, but maybe not that important!
#11
Image source: 1201_alarm, Natalie Behn/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
That’s next-level strategic incompetence your ex went from being perfectly capable of cooking for himself to acting like he couldn’t even handle making a sandwich. Bringing back two slices of bread and eating a “bread sandwich” at you is both absurd and hilariously passive-aggressive. It’s like he was trying to prove a point, but all he really proved was how ridiculous he was willing to be to avoid taking responsibility. Good riddance to that kind of nonsense! It’s amazing how some people can flip a switch and suddenly act like they’ve never functioned as an adult before.
#12
Image source: noelcherry_, Ave Calvar/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
As a nurse, you’ve probably seen it all including fully capable patients who suddenly act like they can’t handle basic tasks, like wiping their own a**. It’s one of those baffling situations where you know they’re perfectly able to do it themselves, but for some reason, they decide to play the helpless card. It’s equal parts frustrating and mind-boggling, and it’s a testament to your patience and professionalism that you handle it with grace. Some people really take “being waited on” to a whole new level!
#13
Image source: so_lost_im_faded, Getty Images/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
My ex pretended not to know the vacuum wasn’t working when I asked him to vacuum his dog’s hair. He had a PhD.
#14
Image source: [deleted], Filip Mroz/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
My ex invited me over to hang out. When I arrived, he was preparing for an event that required a nice shirt. He set up the ironing board, iron, and shirt, then said, “OK, here you go.”
What?
He wanted me to iron his shirt because his mom usually did it for him, but she was at work.
He was 28.
#15
Image source: tinribs79, Sandra Seitamaa/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
It sounds like you’re dealing with a lot of frustration, and it’s completely understandable. Here’s a rewritten version of your message:
“My soon-to-be ex-husband refuses to learn how to cook, so if I’m stuck at work late, our child has to make their own dinner. He won’t do the grocery shopping, handle any DIY tasks, or even put the laundry away. He’s utterly lazy, and soon he’ll be single and lazy because I’m done with his nonsense.”
Let me know if you’d like further adjustments!
#16
Image source: Greengage1, Erik Mclean/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Got it! Here’s the revised version without the em dash:
“I had a friend whose husband claimed he was completely incapable of cooking. He insisted he couldn’t even manage to turn on the oven and put a frozen lasagna in it. No timing, no checking, just literally turning a dial and sliding a tray inside. Apparently, operating an oven was beyond his abilities.
The kicker? He was an electrician.”
#17
Image source: MostlyChaoticNeutral, Frank Flores/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
My brother spent our entire childhood dodging our parents’ very basic lessons on how to take care of a house, manage finances, and not starve—all thanks to weaponized incompetence. For example, once we were old enough, my mom had us make our own lunches. It was simple stuff: soup, sandwiches, or reheating leftovers. All the ingredients were provided and easy to find. She just wanted us to learn how to, you know, make a damn sandwich.
But my brother? He’d go to the fridge, open the door, stare inside for a few seconds, close it, and declare he couldn’t make lunch because there was no ketchup for a sandwich. My mom would say, ‘It’s on the top shelf.’ He’d go back, open the fridge, stare at the top shelf, close it, and say it wasn’t there. Then she’d say, ‘It’s on the top shelf, on the left.’ He’d repeat the whole routine. Eventually, she’d have to give instructions so specific it sounded like, ‘Go to the fridge. Open it. Look at the top shelf. Look on the left side. If there’s a yellow jar that says mayonnaise, pick it up. Look behind it. The bottle is red.’
It was absolutely infuriating to watch.”
#18
Image source: Free_Bingo, Nik/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
My parents are in their late 70s and have a very traditional, old-school relationship. My dad worked, and my mom stayed home, handling everything—even the stereotypical ‘man stuff.’ She mowed the lawn, fixed broken things, and was basically an all-around bad*ss who got things done. But I’ll get back to that.
For over 50 years of their marriage, my mom also took care of the laundry. That became a problem last year when she had a health issue and had to spend two months in inpatient therapy.
My dad, who had run entire companies, claimed he ‘didn’t know how to use the washing machine’ and expected one of his kids to come over and do his laundry for him. We shut that down immediately. We told him we’d show him how to use it, but if he pretended he couldn’t figure it out afterward, he’d just have to deal with stinky clothes until Mom came home. I mean, it’s a washing machine, not a rocket ship.”
#19
Image source: ProfuseMongoose, Tracey Hocking/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
My ex-roommate and I had been friends for about a decade when we decided to move in together. We agreed to take turns cooking and doing the dishes. Whoever cooked, the other person would clean up. My dinners were actual meals, while his were usually ramen or frozen pizza, even though he was a grown man.
When it was my turn to cook, I’d wash all the dishes properly. When it was his turn, he’d ‘let them soak’ and then do a half-hearted job, always saying, ‘But you’re so much better at it than I am!’ We tried just cooking for ourselves, but he’d hover around and ask, ‘Oooh, can I have a little bit?’
Slowly but surely, I realized I was doing all the cooking and dishes ‘because I’m so much better at it.’ It was like boiling a frog. I didn’t even notice it was happening until he started nitpicking a dish here or there. Needless to say, he didn’t last long as a roommate
#20
Image source: 1955photo, Ivana Cajina/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
My former boyfriend couldn’t even put sheets on the bed correctly. He acted like he had never seen how a fitted sheet was supposed to look. He also gave up when the pillowcase got twisted because he just stuffed the pillow into it without bothering to fix it.