20 of the Dumbest Things People Have Ever Heard
This list of contenders is vying for the coveted title of the dumbest things ever said. While the popular saying goes, “There’s no such thing as a dumb question,” these particular examples might just prove otherwise. In a lively Reddit discussion sparked by user u/Far-Bumblebee-1756, people shared their funniest encounters in response to the question, “What’s the dumbest thing someone has said to you?”
#1
Image source: UHJeff, pressfoto
In an office running low on paper: “Just put a blank page in the copier and make more.”
#2
Image source: Emerald_see, kelphelpOG / reddit
Do you have internet over there?”—asked by a 20-something Canadian man during a chatroom conversation (2004).
#3
Image source: Worth_Box_8932, Teescraftsman
I wasn’t born in England, but I lived there from the time I learned to talk until I was 13.
So here I am—an American, born and raised in Texas, with a British accent.
Naturally, this meant explaining my accent to everyone I met from age 13 until around 35, when it finally started to fade… mostly. It still comes and goes from time to time.
At 23, I was in college and working as a delivery driver. I had already explained my accent to my coworkers because, let’s face it, a guy from Texas with a British accent needs to clear that up sooner rather than later.
One day, while standing in a Pizza Hut in the middle of Texas, a coworker asked, “Can you say something in English?”
I paused and asked what he meant.
“Oh, that’s right,” he said. “You said it’s a British accent. So can you say something in British?”
#4
Image source: CandyCoatedDinosaurs, pressfoto
While reading The Diary of Anne Frank aloud as a class in middle school over the course of a few weeks, we eventually reached the part where they celebrate Hanukkah. At that moment, one of my classmates blurted out, “Wait, are they Jewish?”
#5
Image source: Hicalibre, DC Studio
“Food is so expensive. Why do we even need farmers?”
#6
Image source: TraumaResponse, freepik
A former friend once told me that her sister was having a cake made for her daughter’s birthday by a bakist. I must have made a confused face because she clarified, “You know, like a bakist or a bakerist.”
#7
Image source: Immediate_Loan_1414, freepik
Not said directly to me, but I overheard my former stepdad telling his daughter that phone cases weren’t necessary—you just shouldn’t ever drop your phone.
That’s like saying you don’t need airbags, just don’t get into an accident.
#8
Image source: Jackieirish, Sadie Hernandez / flickr
I was working retail and counting down my drawer, making sure the cash total matched the receipts. While doing this, I came across an unbelievably shiny penny—fresh from the bank or maybe broken out of a collector’s set by someone who realized a penny isn’t going to be worth more than a penny in their lifetime.
I held it up to my assistant manager and said, “Wow, what a shiny penny.”
She replied, “Oh my God! Do you think it’s counterfeit?!”
…Why would anyone go through the trouble and expense of counterfeiting a penny? At best, after all that effort, you’ve got… a penny.
#9
Image source: Moist_When_It_Counts, karlyukav
I once got accepted for a job (US Army!) that required submitting paper documents in triplicate for Direct Deposit.
I emailed back a single PDF file of the document.
HR responded by demanding that I send two more PDF copies.
#10
Image source: SoySandunga, romanzaiets
Maybe not the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard, but it’s definitely up there. I had this ultra-Catholic coworker. I was raised Catholic too, but I don’t go to church much and don’t consider myself very religious.
A couple of years ago, my cousin, who has special needs, fell seriously ill and was hospitalized. Naively, I told my coworker, thinking she might keep him in her prayers. I said, “He doesn’t deserve to suffer; he’s just an innocent child.”
She responded, with a smirk on her face, “Jesus didn’t deserve to suffer on the cross either.”
My jaw practically hit the floor. I’ve hated her ever since.
Thankfully, my cousin recovered and is doing well.
#11
Image source: Moist_When_It_Counts, freepik
I emailed a receptionist “a label to print out and attach to the box to return it.”
She called me because there was no glue on the back when she printed it…
When I suggested using tape, she was genuinely grateful.
#12
Image source: circusvetsara, freepik
After my hair grew back after chemo, my mom told me to never cut my hair like that again because I “look like a boy.”
Probably one of the most insensitive things she could’ve said in that moment.
#13
Image source: culturebarren, wirestock
I once had a friend who bet me $20 that a stop sign had six sides. Naturally, he lost.
Three months later, while we were reminiscing, he misremembered the whole thing and confidently bet another $20 that a stop sign had six sides.
He lost again.
#14
Image source: egggcrate, pressfoto
I knew a girl in high school who said she wanted to learn Spanish because “it’s like English but a different language.”
I think about this way more often than I’d like to.
#15
Image source: GMPollock24, freepik
“If you don’t agree with my political opinion, you shouldn’t be allowed to vote.”
Umm… what?
#16
I’m a veterinarian. My cousin is a child psychologist.
Her exact words to me were, “You just don’t know what it’s like when your patient can’t tell you what’s wrong.”
The irony was almost too much to handle.
#17
Image source: midigo6, benzoix
I worked in a bank, and someone came in trying to cash a check for their grandfather, who was supposedly “in the hospital.” I explained that we couldn’t cash it without the grandfather present since the check was made out specifically to him.
Without missing a beat, the guy picks up a dog and says, “I have his permission to cash the check. See, this is his dog!”
I was completely at a loss for words. Somehow, I managed to keep a straight face while explaining that a dog is not a valid form of ID.
#18
Image source: Quantum_Kitties, pvproductions
Someone once asked me, “What do you do with your glasses at night? Isn’t it difficult to sleep with glasses on?”
I told her I take my glasses off before bed, and she seemed genuinely surprised that was even an option. Honestly, I’m amazed she didn’t ask if I need them to see my dreams too.
#19
Image source: FlabbyFishFlaps, Drazen Zigic
An ex of mine was feeling frisky, but I told him I was on my period. His brilliant solution? “Why don’t you just push out all the blood so we can get busy?”
I said, “…what?”
Him: “Just bear down and push it out like when you pee. Women can do that.”
Me: “…no, we can’t. That’s not a thing.”
Him: “If you can do it when you pee, you can do it to get rid of your period. Women just use it as an excuse not to have sex.”
I was so stunned, I asked him to leave and broke it off the next day. Unbelievable.
#20
Image source: gettogero, erinkjean / reddit
Cheeseburger without cheese, without pickles, without onions, without ketchup, without mustard.”
Cheeseburger without cheese, without pickles, without onions, without ketchup, without mustard.”
“Okay, so a plain
“Okay, so a plain hamburger?”
“NO, I F*****G SAID CHEESEBURGER WITHOUT ____!”
I tried to help by explaining they could save money by just ordering a plain hamburger. Instead, I was informed that I was “stupid as s**t” and that they specifically ordered a cheeseburger without all those things.
So, I rang it up exactly as they asked—cheeseburger minus everything—and never tried to help anyone in fast food again.
